A TEDTalk: We don't move on we move forward with grief - Nora McInerny
When Nora McInerny lost her pregnancy, her father and her husband in rapid succession, she was forced to learn about grief, love and how it would permeate her life forever.
In this TED talk Nora explores the permanency of the sense of grief and how it influences every aspect of her life.
In an insightful and moving account, Nora candidly shares how, soon after her husband’s death, family and friends encouraged her to speak with others who had gone through a similar situation, and how being able to speak freely with other bereaved people truly helped.
It was through these group conversations that she discovered that most of those people who had experienced the recent death of a loved one hated the concept of ‘moving on’.
‘By any measure, life is really, really good, but I haven't "moved on." I haven't moved on, and I hate that phrase so much, and I understand why other people do.’ Nora McInerny.
It’s perfectly normal for us to continue feeling grief for the death of a loved one indefinitely. There’s no milestone that indicates our grief has ended. Even if someone, for instance, remarries after having lost their husband or wife, this doesn’t mean that they have left behind their grief.
However, continuing to experience grief doesn’t imply that we won’t be able to ever experience joy again.
Our grief can coexist alongside other feelings, and this grief is a manifestation of the love we still feel for the ones who passed away.
As Nora says:'It doesn’t mean that you can’t experience joy and love towards someone else again. You’ll be sad and happy, grieving and ready to love, all at the same time. Grief doesn't happen in this vacuum, it happens alongside of and mixed in with all of these other emotions.’
She goes on to suggest that we shouldn’t feel pressured to ‘move on’, the same way we don’t expect someone to move on from the fact they’ve had a child and would never suggest they stop celebrating a birthday every year.
It’s important to consider that not all things can be fixed and not all wounds are meant to heal.
If you’re a grieving person, you may laugh and smile again; you’re going to move forward but that doesn’t mean you’ve moved on.
To watch the full TED Talk visit: