Helping children cope after losing a sibling

Each year Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day reminds us of the families who carry an unspoken grief, one that changes but never disappears. When a baby or child passes away, it leaves an absence that touches every member of the family, including their siblings.

For children, this loss can be confusing and painful. They may not have the words to express their emotions, but their grief is just as real and deep as that of the adults around them. Supporting siblings through the loss of a brother or sister is an important part of family healing, even when it feels impossible to know where to start.

Understanding how children experience grief

Children experience and express grief differently from adults. Their understanding of loss depends on their age and stage of development, but even very young children can sense when something is missing.

Some common ways grief may show up in children include:

• Changes in sleep, appetite, or behaviour
• Asking repetitive questions about what happened
• Acting younger than their age or seeking extra reassurance
• Expressing big emotions one moment and seeming 'fine' the next

These are all natural responses to a loss they don’t fully understand yet. The most important thing you can do is meet them with patience, honesty, and love.

How to support a child through the loss of a sibling

There’s no right way to navigate this kind of loss, but there are small, gentle ways to help your child feel supported and connected:

• Be honest and age-appropriate. Use simple, clear language when talking about what happened. Avoid phrases like “gone away” or “asleep.”

• Encourage questions. Let them ask, even the hard ones. They might need to hear the same answer many times to make sense of it.

• Validate their feelings. Reassure them that it’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or even happy. Every feeling is valid.

• Keep familiar routines. Routine brings comfort and stability when everything else feels uncertain.

• Include them in remembrance. Invite them to participate in small acts of remembrance, drawing a picture, lighting a candle, or choosing a keepsake to remember their sibling.

Gentle resources for supporting children through grief

Finding the right words to help a child understand loss can be difficult. Books can provide a comforting way to start conversations and explore feelings together.

Two beautiful resources by Wholeheartedly we recommend are:

• My Sibling Above – A tender story helping children understand the loss of a brother or sister, written with warmth and compassion.

• Love From Above – A comforting book that explores love, memory, and the unbreakable bond we hold with those we’ve lost.

Wholeheartedly’s mission is to empower little ones to be aware of grief and loss, building empathy and awareness in death. These gentle stories are wonderful tools for helping families begin meaningful, healing conversations.

It’s natural to focus on your surviving children, but your own grief matters too. Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally helps you be present for them. Let them see that it’s okay to cry, to miss their sibling, and to still find moments of joy.

There’s strength in allowing grief to exist alongside love, laughter, and healing.

On Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, we’re reminded that no family should walk this journey alone.

If your family has experienced the loss of a child, please know that there is support, community, and compassion available.

Because their name matters. Their memory matters. The love you carry matters. Always.