Most days I deal with death in some form or another.
I am often asked how I face my work day helping grieving families. Being an emotional person, most days, I find it hard not to tear up, although I would be more disappointed in myself if I became immune to witnessing the grief of others.
To me, it seems, people tend to want to rate the grief of others, often saying oh it must be hard when they're a child or young person, or the person died suddenly, but the reality is, when a person is loved, all death is sad. I remember one elderly gentleman in particular. Both in their 90's, he and his wife had been together for over 70 years and now, he had to face his coming days without her - his grief was immense, and it was hard to bear witness to it. Yes, she had led a long and full life, and yet, her family did not want to let her go because, regardless of the length of time we have with those we love, we always wish for a little more.
I often say the simple words "sorry for your loss" and, at times, I wonder if my words are perceived as hollow, or sound like I have spoken them out of necessity (or repetition)? Recently I read these words by Donna Ashworth who has so eloquently described what she means when she says "sorry for your loss"; her words are a reflection of how many of us feel who pass on our condolences - four simple words that hold so much depth of meaning....
Sorry For Your Loss
When I say sorry for your loss
it may sound perfunctory
trite even.
but what I mean is...
I am sorry
that you wake in the night
gasping for breath
heart racing in agony.
I am sorry
that you will know a lifetime
of what ifs and
could have beens.
I am sorry
that you ache
for one more minute with your love
knowing it can never be.
When I say sorry for your loss
please know
my soul is reaching out to yours
in understanding
and trying very hard
to take away
just one little ounce of your pain.
- Donna Ashworth 'Loss'
Each day there are families that turn to Pettigrew to guide them as they navigate the process of organising a funeral for their loved one. Facing the grief of others each day can be emotional but what a privilege it is to walk beside a family and do our best to make a difficult time a little easier.